It is time I get honest with myself. At least, I have to tell senior year of high school me something, and he’s not going to like it.
You see he’s a perfectionist and hits his deadlines. You know the type. He is an A+ student, natural born leader, athletically talented, and creatively endowed. He has a lot for which to be thankful. He has a lot of arrogance and false beliefs that will be educated out of him as the years progress, but for now we will overlook those items.
But, that 18 year old CEO type kid, he thinks he’s going to find a soulmate, have kids, live the nice life with the white picket fence. He’s worked damn hard to try and build a future like that. He became a lawyer, entrepreneur, and more to provide for that day.
Today, I have the unfortunate task of giving him the stats. They didn’t play out in our company’s favor. If I’m honest we have gone completely bankrupt a few times in life when it comes to the romance department.
We are running drastically behind schedule. We thought we had a model product of love a few times, but alas ... all of them got recalled for some reason or another. Timing chains broke, design defects that couldn’t be overlooked, and some were just lemons. They looked sweet, but left a sour after taste. We won’t tell him this just yet, but many times it was the CEO’s fault for having built unreasonably high expectations or rushing production.
Truth is, according to his plan,... I’m 7 years behind schedule of finding a husband, and 2 years behind schedule on having kids, and only the good Lord knows when white picket fences will be back in style.
And yet, each of those years, brought something to me that I didn’t have before. They brought me characteristics that I would want to have before meeting my future soulmate. Characteristics that continue to make me the best me possible for him and for myself. Resilience, Compassion, Patience, Gratitude, Strength, Stability, and
the ability to grant forgiveness.
That one was tough. It’s the reason I had to go back to my younger self and apologize. I’m sorry for not living up to your dream when it comes to finding a partner and the family you always wanted. Your family growing up wasn’t very close and they didn’t always show you compassion. You hoped to be different for your own family. The one you would build.
You see those expectations you have now will lead to a lot of heartache and disappoint because unlike most things in life you can’t control other people’s emotions, attractions, or ability to love you.
Not having that ability will cause you a great deal of pain, because you were never taught how to deal with something you couldn’t achieve simply by working for it.
So I’m here to first say sorry for not hitting this deadline. But I promise you’ll forgive me, I know you will because I’ve finally forgiven myself. But I am also here to give you the stats, Mr. 18 Year Old CEO. When it comes to love...
We are still on schedule.
It might not look like it from your perspective, but underlying those wishes for a husband and kids, was a desire to be loved, to give love to people that loved you in return, and to build a better environment of kindness and compassion.
You have those things. You are doing those things. As for your soulmate, I’m sure he’s somewhere out there looking for you... so take a break and let him search for you for a while. Trust me, you don’t want a man not willing to meet you half way when it comes to love. It’s his turn.
In the meantime, do everything you can to be ready for when he shows up. Become the person you want to be. That is the person your soulmate should have as a husband, that your kids should have as a father, and that your community should have as a compassionate leader. Keep building and growing regardless of the years that pass by... and let the white picket fence be damned... for now.