Together or Separate?


There are a lot of questions you don’t want to get asked on a first date.

Or any date really, for that matter.

However, one question that made my heart flutter the first time I heard it came at the very end of the meal. For the first time, a server asked, “Will this check be together or separate?”

Now, I wasn’t excited about paying the bill, nor was I excited about the potential awkwardness of being chivalrous and fighting over who gets to pay the bill. I certainly wasn’t excited that the date was over, although I have had some awkward dates that the Flash himself could not have gotten me out of fast enough.

The reason my heart fluttered was because of how seldom that question was asked during the beginning of my gay dating life. Today, it is rare that this question is not asked regardless of the genders present at the table. This goes to show that the actions of a few can eventually catch on to the entire restaurant and service industry.

I mention this story to show how people in our restaurant and service industries can transform the lives of LGBTQ+ youth in the beginning of their dating lives. When I was asked that question, it showed me for the first time that we were being accepted as a potential gay couple. It wasn’t just presumed that the person sitting across from me was just a friend.

That server couldn’t see how much I was crying because of the joy of acceptance on the inside that day. But his tip definitely reflected it.


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